Thursday, May 17, 2012

Slacker Blog Post: Funny Test Answers

Due to the inordinate amount of traveling that I will be doing this week, I am going to post a slacker blog. 

As another school years rolls to an end, it’s time for some of the best test answers that teachers have submitted.  Although I could only really include the relatively clean ones, I’m willing to bet that the kids who had the guts to actually hand them in sound a lot smarter than the person who devised the test.  Note that the definition of a “best” answer doesn’t mean that the test taker received full or any credit at all.  

Q:  What do we call the science of classifying living things?
A:  Racism

Q:  Name four heavy metals and their symbols.
A:  Megadeath, Anthrax, Slayer and Metallica

Q:  What’s your greatest accomplishment so far?
A:  Starting this homework
Q:  What hasn’t happened yet that you are looking forward to?
A:  I haven’t started question #3 yet, and I’m looking forward to it.
Q:  What have you been given to start you on your journey?
A:  A pencil
Q:  What’s new, interesting and appealing?
A:  The question after this one.
Q:  What’s old, worn out, and boring?
A:  The question before this one

Q:  The first cells were probably _________
A:  Lonely

Q:  Imagine you lived in the same time as Abraham Lincoln.  What would you say to him?
A:  Don’t go see that play.

Q:  Explain briefly what hard water is.
A:  Ice

Q:  In the space below, please enter any comments about this course or instructor not covered above.
A:  If I had only one hour more to live, I’d spend it in this class because it feels like an eternity.

Q:  If Miranda cannot see anything when she looks in her microscope, suggest one reason why.
A:  She is blind.

Q:  To change centimeters to meters, you ______?
A:  Take out the “centi”

Q:  Explain the saying, “Some people don’t look up until they are flat on their backs”.
A:  It means some people can’t look up because something is wrong with their necks.  For example, if someone gets kicked in the neck by a kung fu midget, they won’t be able to look up.

Q:  Where was the Declaration of Independence signed:
A:  At the bottom

Q: There are 300 students in the class.  Mary and Mark want to find out the class’ favorite color.  Mary asks 30 people.  Mark asks 150 people.  Mark says that his conclusion is more likely to be right than Mary’s.  Why does Mark think he is right.
A:  Because Mark is a man

Q:  Explain why phosphorous trichloride is polar.
A:  Because God made it that way

Q:  What type of attractive force or bond holds the sodium ions and chloride ions together in a crystal of sodium chloride?
A:  James Bond

Q:  Assess Fashion House’s decision to locate its factory near Birmingham.  Is Birmingham the right location for this type of business?
A:  No, because Birmingham isn’t very fashionable.

Q:  Name one of the early Romans’ greatest achievements.
A:  Learning to speak Latin

Q:  Write a short story in as few words as possible.  The story must contain the following three elements:  religion, sexuality and mystery.
A:  “Good God, I’m pregnant.  I wonder who did it.” 

Congratulations to all the teachers out there who made it through another year.  You are candidates for sainthood.