Coming Soon to a Urinal Near You!

A trip to the Ocean City, MD boardwalk, the State Fair, or an amusement park with my granddaughter usually involves at least one round of the water-fueled horse race where we point our guns at a small opening in hope of winning a twenty-five cent toy in exchange for the six dollars we paid to play.  Somehow I never made the connection between this carnival game and the “We aim to please, so please aim” sign that compulsive-cleaning friends place in their powder rooms.   That’s one reason why I’ve yet to hit the million dollar mark in personal income.

But now a British company HAS made that leap and installed video games in the men’s urinal at a English pub.  They say these are the first “hands free” games (thank goodness), but I’m not sure I understand the reason behind this invention.  Is it intended to make peeing so much fun that pub patrons will drink even more beer to increase the frequency of their visits and, therefore, the number of games they can play?  Someone has figured out that It takes an average of 55 seconds for guys to whiz in and out of the loo.  That means they can insert a short advertisement before the game’s graphics begin to stream.  Players can choose between a ski simulation, trivia, and a penguin shooting gallery.  Is it supposed to reward the man’s aim accuracy with more points and thus less clean-up?

Once this catches on…..and it will….are competitive games far behind so guys can compete with their friends?  Pee-pong, urine-controlled versions of skee ball, space invaders, pac-man and donkey kong are on the horizon.  Just like the awe-inspiring classmate who could burp out the entire alphabet, the porcelain crown awaits the guy who can sustain his stream the longest.   And will it stop at the urinal or are new and more ingenious games just waiting to spring up for patrons seated in the stalls?  The bathrooms may become more popular than the seats at the bar. 

 

Then, just like the playground monkey bars of yesteryear, the games will disappear…falling victim to discrimination lawsuits filed by older male patrons with prostate issues, unable to reach high scorer status.   Let the games begin.